THIS IS SPARTA! - The Before

Spartan is a mere 3.5 days away and I couldn’t be more excited/nervous/anxious/dreadful than I am right now. What a Smörgåsbord of emotions over a race!! I wanted to squeeze and “before” blog in before I get around to blogging my experience post-race. So why am I doing this thing of ¾ of my emotions toward it are seemingly negative-ish.. let me explain:

Now is the best time than ever to explain a huge reason why I do extreme athletic events like this with the ALS ice bucket challenge going on. ALS Association has been an organization near and dear to my heart for many years since the passing of my beloved mentor and family friend Dave Lamontagne due to this progressive and fatal illness. They are truly an amazing organization who does amazing things not just for research, but in aiding families in everything they need from wheelchairs to hospice care as their loved ones deteriorate and eventually die and I highly encourage everyone to donate what you can. Your money is truly going into a worth-while cause and being used to help find a cure and provide assistance to those in need…

Back to my reasoning: I don’t do this because I am the most athletically inclined person on earth, or even close to it. I do it for a simple reason. Because I can.

I have legs that work, good health and drive. There are many people that will never get to have this experience because they can’t. They have bad health, they were born without the ability to walk, they were paralyzed in a car accident etc.. I do this for people like them. I do it so that I remind myself to not sit on my ass and take for granted the fact that I can do these things. I could go on forever and make this long and drawn out, but it really is that simple.

 I also do this for one other reason: It changes me. It forces me to dig deep and give my all, then give more when I feel like giving up. My team is counting on me, I’m counting on myself. It’s very much a coming-to-Jesus moment. It’s one thing that is either black or white. You succeed or you fail. Failure is when you give up mentally. This impacts my life beyond the course. It reminds me to push harder at everything.

That’s all I have for now for you folks. I can’t wait for Saturday! I have an amazing team that I couldn’t be more grateful to have by my side as I strive for that awesome “Super Spartan Finishers Medal”

THIS IS SPARTA! 

Scientifically Proven As a Leading Cause for Killing A Relationship ...

So I rarely read dating advice columns or blogs because I think they're a bunch of bullshit. You're better off reading about mindfulness or how to love yourself and that will teach you a lot about how to "relate" to others. Anyways...

I came across an article today that struck me as the epitome of problems most people cause themselves when trying to find someone to share their lives with. The tag line was "remember you don't want him, you want a relationship" WHAT? You just turned a person into an objective. How dehumanizing is that? I'm not going to say there aren't people out there who are just plain assholes (men and women alike) that will treat you wrong, but if you have a good relationship with yourself, you'll know when to leave that person well enough alone and move on with your bad self! But I think a fatal flaw most people make is not being interested in truly getting to know and enjoy a person as they are and instead turn them into a goal.

Have you ever felt like you were being used? That someone only keeps you around because they want something from you and not necessarily because they enjoy your company? Kind of makes you feel uneasy in their presence. It makes you want to not be around them as much because you're better than that, you're more than a means to an end, right? Exactly! If your sole purpose in someone is a ring, a dress and cute little blue-eyed babies, they're probably going to run for the hills faster than you can say “where is this heading?”

There’s a flip side to this coin though, because I am by no means telling you to settle for less than what you want. It's good to have goals and objectives for your life. It's good to want to get married and have a family. But if you automatically put every guy/girl you date into this picture-perfect scene in your head and trying to rush this along to meet some cut-off date you have created, you're more likely to kill the situation before you get the chance to watch it bloom. People aren't a wedding or a family, they are people. Get to know them. Enjoy the time you get to spend together. If they're non-committal, keep your options open. If you want more and they're not willing to offer it, leave. But don't objectify them. 

I personally would rather have a good relationship with someone I truly enjoy spending time with than a title, but that's just me. 

My last point is a little off topic: Don't blame other people when you have invested your time and energy in them only to have them not give you what you want. Most times if you pay attention upfront, people tell you exactly what they are looking for. TAKE THEM AT FACE VALUE. Don't assume that you are going to be the person who changes their mind. People only do things, like commit to a relationship, when they are ready to do them.. and no begging, pleading or showing them how awesome you are is going to change that. Also, don't sell yourself short. Again, KEEP YOUR OPTIONS OPEN. If you resign to acting like someone's boyfriend/girlfriend and are committed and monogamous to them without actually being their boyfriend/girlfriend, why would they put in any extra effort? Would you insist on paying full price for something when you can buy it on clearance? No! So why should anyone invest any more time or energy in you than they have to?

And lastly, if you're not getting what you want or need out of something, have the courage to walk away. Don't do this in a bitter way or try to illicit jealousy from the other party or guilt them into getting what you want.  That's a way of putting blame on them and not accepting your part in it. Walk away from a place of respect, love and light for the both of you. Wish them well and move on. If after they see you have truly moved on and you're not going to give them any more of your time without the commitment you want, they will chase you down and give you the commitment you want. If they don't, they never were going to in the first place and it's better to know now then 6 months down the road. 

Confidence is Key

The majority of my life, I saw myself in a negative light. When I weighed 95lbs, I thought I was fat and ugly. I always thought I was dumb and not very smart, despite the fact that I could excel at anything I put my mind to.  I didn’t think I was funny or likeable even though I had lots of friends and was always able to make the entire room laugh. Looking back I always cringe at how much I HATED (yes, you read that right) myself. As a result of this self-loathing, the relationships I got myself into were fueled by need for validation and well, just neediness in general. Despite being able to attract any man out there, I always seemed to settle for the ones who treated me like shit! Why? Because I treated myself like shit. I also treated other people like shit. Why? Because it made me feel better about myself. Selfish, I know, but find me a person who hasn’t put someone down at one point or another to feel better about themselves. You ain’t better’n me!

Now I’m ..old.. and 40lbs heavier. Gone is my Gwen Stefanie-esque body and here are the stretch marks, the mom pouch and whatever other flaw you want to pick out (the list is long, but distinguished). Yet, despite all this, I’m more confident than I’ve ever been in my entire life. I don’t assume people DON’T like me, I always assume they do. Why wouldn’t they? If I don’t like something about myself, I change it. If I feel like I could be smarter on something, I take the time to learn it. I truly believe my only limits are the ones I create in my own mind (and yes, I do create them.) I try my damnedest to be nice to everyone and help someone every chance I get. I don’t expect anything in return either. I try to live my life in the calmest manner possible and never overreact. Am I perfect at this? Psshhhttt, not even close.

I have found that confidence in myself has been the number one factor in getting me where and turning me into who I want to be. It has helped me get where I want in my career, it has afforded me  the opportunity to have the type of people I want in my life and decide where my life is heading. Why you ask? Because when you have confidence in yourself, you know the decisions you make are based on what is best for you because you are no longer dependent upon other people or things to be the source of your happiness. You are also able to take responsibility for your actions and accept them, not harp on them or take them out on other people and consequently making your own life miserable. You don’t need to be validated. I was once told that the relationship you have with yourself and the way in which you chose to love yourself will be directly reflected in the relationships you have with other people.. whether it be your friendships, romances or how you interact with your family. This is a fundamental truth that I have found to be 100% accurate.

So you might ask, “Well Lacey, if you’re so confident and your confidence or lack there of is the key ingredient to successful relationship, how come you haven’t had one?”

Well, there, that’s a good question indeed, which my response to is that I’ve had lots of successful relationships. Sure, I might not still be with this or that person, but I learned something from my relationship with them. I had the confidence and self-love to leave when I wasn’t being fulfilled or felt mistreated. Once you realize that your happiness is solely dependent upon you and the decisions you make, it makes success versus failure look much different. The only true failure is failing yourself. Convincing yourself that you’re okay with something when in reality, you might not be. Do I stumble, fall, make mistakes and have moments of regret or self-inflicted pain?? Absolutely! Do I dwell on them? Not nearly as much as I used to because I’m confident I made the right decision for myself. It’s impossible to escape the negative that comes with life, but it is not impossible to deal with it with grace and dignity when you believe in yourself and your ability to choose the right path.

So my advice, ladies and gents, is get out there and be confident! You’re not always going to have easy choices to make, but if you don’t believe in yourself, you will surely never convince anyone else to do the same. 

I Want to Inspire The World, Here's How I Plan To Do It:

Since I was in high school, I have had a deep love for writing. It’s been an outlet of sorts to take my emotions and let them explode from my fingertips in a well thought out way rather than the reckless abandon of spewing everything I feel out of my mouth.  It’s kept me calm, it’s gotten me through the bad, celebrate the good and most of all, it’s helped me to take a moment to SEE the whole picture and deeply reflect. It’s been a pleasure to take many of you along on my ride and humbling to have you tell me how much I have inspired you. It is truly gratifying to know that sharing my life has helped the world in some way, shape or form. My only regret is that I’ve used this blog less and facebook more to share my stories and will never see those bits of writing again.. well, without a lot of digging anyways.

I’ve felt for a long time that part of my purpose here on this earth is to take this passion I have for writing and helping others and plug it into some creative outlet to help spread love and light upon the world. I’ve supplied idea’s and ghost blogged for a little over a year now but I think it’s finally time to take my dog and pony show on my own circus tour. My goal for the rest of the year is to finally start my own site to write and have people share their stories to spread love and positivity as far around the world-wide-web as we can. I have friends who are amazingly gifted writers and incredibly insightful that I feel need to have their story heard.  Will this be the next big blog? Probably not. Blogs and inspirational sites are a dime-a-dozen, but I’ll be content knowing that I tried and put myself out there. If even one life is changed, inspired or made better, it will have been well worth the effort. A seed planted and nurtured turns into a beautiful flower and makes the world a better place.

I, for one, am not the most technical writer in the world. Not even by a long shot! As I’m typing this, Microsoft Word is pointing out my distinct short comings when it comes to proper punctuation and completing an actual sentence. I hardly feel that makes a difference when you are trying to relate to your everyday, average person though. My lexicon might not be the broadest, but I feel like I’m relatable and that’s really the goal here.  In the coming weeks I will be conspiring with the great minds I have around me, see what the interest is and refining a main concept for this site. I know the goal is to inspire, but inspire what exactly? Here is a list of some things I want to cover:

1.)    Self and spiritual growth

2.)    Fitness for everyone

3.)    Creativity.. Finding your outlet

4.)    Mental health awareness

5.)    The importance of positivity

6.)    Adventures in Nature.

 What do you think? What would you like to see on there? Who would you like to see blogging? Feel free to contact me with your ideas or suggestions. J

The Tale of Lacey's Social Media Diet

Back only five years ago, I rarely used social media, I wrote more often, and I barely used text messaging. I had a real definitive circle of friends that I saw or had phone conversations with regularly and would check my Facebook a couple times a week.

Flash forward five years and it seems like our lives are enveloped in social media and instant communication (this piece is mainly covering social media, however). Is this the world evolving? Yes. But are we? I’ve been taking a break of sorts for the past couple weeks and it has been an interesting experience. I have noticed that in a lot of ways, I don’t have the relationships with people (or myself) that I used to. I’m not saying social media and the age of instant communication is inherently bad, it’s not. In many ways, it’s good. It allows an outlet to reconnect with people you would otherwise never speak to again and an easy way to share our daily lives with people we love and can’t see often. However, in this process I feel like it’s taken away from the deep interpersonal relationships we used to have with each other. It has also provided a superficial way to judge our interpersonal relationships with others. I can think of at least a few of my relationships that were ruined before they even had the chance to take off because of social media. How silly is that? I’m going to hit on 3 points on why I’ve decided to take a break from social media. Maybe some of you will agree with what I have to say and many of you may not, but HEY this is my world, you are just temporarily in it ;-)

#1 How I relate to others (friends and potential mates)

Before the age of social media, my friends and I would sit around together in the same room and have meaningful discussions about politics, spirituality, goals and just general life BS. Now, 90% of those conversations take place on social media. Why? Partial contribution goes to getting older and having more responsibility and less time to spend with your friends. I’d say a large contributor is also why get together and have (real, not Apple) face time when you can do this over the internet from the comfort of your couch/desk/barstool? Who needs to make an effort to set aside time for your friends while you can do it (almost) anywhere in the world?  I could really write on this all day about why social media takes away from the depth of your friendships but the point is moot. Do I have friends I talk to aside from social media and have regular interactions and deep, meaningful relationships with? Yes, of course I do. But the number of those friends is REALLY, REALLY small.

Now, on to the dating side. Back 5 short years ago I didn’t need to check my boyfriends “top 3” SnapChat friends or see who’s pictures he was “liking” on facebook or care if my status said “in a relationship with….” Or not to feel validated because well.. it either didn’t exist or was not important. Now, it seems like social media status rules the relationship.  If he/she is friends with their ex on facebook or snapchats said ex more often than you, DOOM! A few short years ago you just either decided you were going to trust someone or you weren’t and that was the end of it. Did some people snoop through phones to see who your girl/guy was communicating with? Sure. Obviously if they are talking to someone that is outside the normal range of “friend” more often than they speak to you it’s a red flag, but just because they like someone’s pics or remain friends with an ex via social media, why is that the end of the bond you have forged with them one on one? If you’re getting their time and attention outside of a social media outlet and they seem like they are investing in you, why would you let something so small ruin something that could be great? Social media has allowed a whole new outlet for insecurity in relationships, further complicating the already complicated. That’s all I really have to say about that.

#2 Over-Sharing

Social media has turned us from private people with private lives into people who share the stupidest parts of our day. For goodness sakes, we feel the need to share pics of everything we eat. What’s next? Is anything sacred? We have to share every single stand point we have on political issues with the world and air all our dirty laundry (this all will feed into my next and last point..) We feel the need to jump in everyone’s lives and input our opinion.. (it’s not like they weren’t begging for it though, right?). When you stop and think about it.. if social media didn’t exist, would you call all your friends to let them know you were going to the gym?? NO! Of course not! Would you tell them “girl I gotta email you a picture of this sandwich and chips I just had for lunch!” …. Need I say more? I have started feeling like I’m supposed to share every aspect of my life because that’s what everyone else does. I’ve always been a leader and not a follower though, so somewhere along the way, I’ve kinda lost myself and become a “sheeple.” In the past couple weeks since I’ve taken a step back and become much more private, I have felt much more relaxed and way more like myself.

#3 Seeking Validation

Before social media became so important, the only people I really cared about accepting me or impressing with my accomplishments were my family, my friends and my coworkers. We all want people to be proud of us, appreciate our point of view, think we’re smart/funny etc. I mainly hoped this is how my friends and family viewed me. Now for some ungodly reason I care about if people I barely know think I’m funny, smart, accomplished or whether or not they appreciate my view of the world. How pathetic is that?  I’m just kind of done caring whether or not people think they’re better’n me. For the better part of the last couple years I’ve taken a lot of pride in knowing exactly who I am, exactly what I want and not needing anyone to tell me I’m great to feel like I’m great. I have my beliefs, I look at myself and love what I see and I think I have a lot to offer people and the world. I don’t need to be validated. However, every now and then when I have something to say or a point to make, I want people to agree with me! Lots of people! I want the world to see things MY WAY!!!! I feel like this is completely social media induced and that I need to get away and channel this energy into something more productive like writing a blog and not caring what anyone else thinks or has to say. Hmmmm I think I’ll do that. ;-)