Confidence is Key

The majority of my life, I saw myself in a negative light. When I weighed 95lbs, I thought I was fat and ugly. I always thought I was dumb and not very smart, despite the fact that I could excel at anything I put my mind to.  I didn’t think I was funny or likeable even though I had lots of friends and was always able to make the entire room laugh. Looking back I always cringe at how much I HATED (yes, you read that right) myself. As a result of this self-loathing, the relationships I got myself into were fueled by need for validation and well, just neediness in general. Despite being able to attract any man out there, I always seemed to settle for the ones who treated me like shit! Why? Because I treated myself like shit. I also treated other people like shit. Why? Because it made me feel better about myself. Selfish, I know, but find me a person who hasn’t put someone down at one point or another to feel better about themselves. You ain’t better’n me!

Now I’m ..old.. and 40lbs heavier. Gone is my Gwen Stefanie-esque body and here are the stretch marks, the mom pouch and whatever other flaw you want to pick out (the list is long, but distinguished). Yet, despite all this, I’m more confident than I’ve ever been in my entire life. I don’t assume people DON’T like me, I always assume they do. Why wouldn’t they? If I don’t like something about myself, I change it. If I feel like I could be smarter on something, I take the time to learn it. I truly believe my only limits are the ones I create in my own mind (and yes, I do create them.) I try my damnedest to be nice to everyone and help someone every chance I get. I don’t expect anything in return either. I try to live my life in the calmest manner possible and never overreact. Am I perfect at this? Psshhhttt, not even close.

I have found that confidence in myself has been the number one factor in getting me where and turning me into who I want to be. It has helped me get where I want in my career, it has afforded me  the opportunity to have the type of people I want in my life and decide where my life is heading. Why you ask? Because when you have confidence in yourself, you know the decisions you make are based on what is best for you because you are no longer dependent upon other people or things to be the source of your happiness. You are also able to take responsibility for your actions and accept them, not harp on them or take them out on other people and consequently making your own life miserable. You don’t need to be validated. I was once told that the relationship you have with yourself and the way in which you chose to love yourself will be directly reflected in the relationships you have with other people.. whether it be your friendships, romances or how you interact with your family. This is a fundamental truth that I have found to be 100% accurate.

So you might ask, “Well Lacey, if you’re so confident and your confidence or lack there of is the key ingredient to successful relationship, how come you haven’t had one?”

Well, there, that’s a good question indeed, which my response to is that I’ve had lots of successful relationships. Sure, I might not still be with this or that person, but I learned something from my relationship with them. I had the confidence and self-love to leave when I wasn’t being fulfilled or felt mistreated. Once you realize that your happiness is solely dependent upon you and the decisions you make, it makes success versus failure look much different. The only true failure is failing yourself. Convincing yourself that you’re okay with something when in reality, you might not be. Do I stumble, fall, make mistakes and have moments of regret or self-inflicted pain?? Absolutely! Do I dwell on them? Not nearly as much as I used to because I’m confident I made the right decision for myself. It’s impossible to escape the negative that comes with life, but it is not impossible to deal with it with grace and dignity when you believe in yourself and your ability to choose the right path.

So my advice, ladies and gents, is get out there and be confident! You’re not always going to have easy choices to make, but if you don’t believe in yourself, you will surely never convince anyone else to do the same.