She’s sat around for days, quietly wrestling the emotional turmoil going on deep within her heart and mind. From feelings of regret to feelings of relief, although she can’t begin to fathom where there would be any relief in such a situation. Wanting to neatly tie back together that which she had undone, but she can’t. She knows that would just be cruel. There was no way to wrap this up all nice and neat and tie a red ribbon of passion around it and pretend as if it were just that. It wasn’t. Inside, it was a mess. That mess was her.
She despaired to know that there was no longer a hope to fall asleep or wake up with a warm body beside her. She had no desire to feel anyone beside her but him anyways. She wondered how the days and months would pass before this flame turned from red to blue. She thought this over many times, though she didn’t care to have the answer. Looking ahead hurt too much, hindsight felt the same. She was determined to live in the present for once. She was enjoying the solitude to a degree, though she was rarely alone. Her days and nights had been filled with faces aglow and dark corners of bars alike. The alcohol nor the company drowned her pain. Surrounded by the nectar of the gods and their followers felt more lonely than solitary confinement.
At last some peace would come on a dark cold Friday night. However, it was the cheap kind of peace when someone confirms your initial actions where necessary, but it doesn’t make the truth any easier to swallow. Truth- that jagged little pill that scrapes your insides on the way down, lacerating your heart in ways you knew were possible but you had forgotten the possibility. Alas, she had reached a temporary closure. Now maybe she could move on to something more permanent?
It’s now Sunday evening and she’s looking for an escape again. The looming week of emails, figures, reports and all the other trials and tribulations of corporate America and him are weighing heavy on her mind. She remember the words “In Vino Veritas” and reaches forthe bottle on the table. As she settles in with her glass of Burgundy, the sweet aroma of the liquid-escape fills the air around her. With a faint smile and tear rolling down her flushed cheek, she finally sees that there really is beauty in the breakdown
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