The Great Let Down... on repeat. A letter to myself.

Dear Self,

Why oh why do you put yourself through the same torture again and again? It always ends the same. You go weeks without talking to him and realize now that he’s not on your mind he probably didn’t mean that much to you anyways. Then after weeks of mutual silence he calls, you ignore, you break down and call him back later. He sweet talks you, makes you feel like one of a kind and that he adores you. You make date, date comes, he blows you off. Wash, rinse, repeat.

One would think I would have learned my lesson 5 years ago. And trust me I did.. I really did. I walked away and left that bridge ablaze. I didn’t care what I was burning. I was rising from the ashes like a Phoenix. So, WTF am I doing now (besides being stupid expecting a different outcome.) Granted, I’ve been in worse relationships, but I’ve never loved anyone as much or as deeply. That just doesn’t go away.

 I had 5 years of peace without being reminded, but all that has ended. Now I feel like my feelings are yet again someone’s games. Roping me in, just to let me down. So I’m writing this to tell you to STOP. Stop giving in, stop calling back and stop being STUPID! If he really wanted to see you, he wouldn’t blow you off every single time.. last minute none the less. Or they would at least have the decency to tell you that you were being blown off if you meant anything at all to them. So… I’m begging you SELF.. Just stop. Just let it go for good this time. Don’t turn back. You leave people in your past for a reason. Let them stay there. You have such a bright future ahead of yourself and if people want to be there for you, THEY WILL BE. You won’t have to ask or beg them to be there and they won’t CONSTANTLY let you down. Now cheer up butter cup. In the words of the great Jay-Z it’s “on to the next one.”

Sincerely, Your Biggest Fan,

Lacey