Back only five years ago, I rarely used social media, I
wrote more often, and I barely used text messaging. I had a real definitive
circle of friends that I saw or had phone conversations with regularly and
would check my Facebook a couple times a week.
Flash forward five years and it seems like our lives are
enveloped in social media and instant communication (this piece is mainly
covering social media, however). Is this the world evolving? Yes. But are we? I’ve
been taking a break of sorts for the past couple weeks and it has been an
interesting experience. I have noticed that in a lot of ways, I don’t have the
relationships with people (or myself) that I used to. I’m not saying social
media and the age of instant communication is inherently bad, it’s not. In many
ways, it’s good. It allows an outlet to reconnect with people you would
otherwise never speak to again and an easy way to share our daily lives with
people we love and can’t see often. However, in this process I feel like it’s
taken away from the deep interpersonal relationships we used to have with each
other. It has also provided a superficial way to judge our interpersonal
relationships with others. I can think of at least a few of my relationships
that were ruined before they even had the chance to take off because of social
media. How silly is that? I’m going to hit on 3 points on why I’ve decided to
take a break from social media. Maybe some of you will agree with what I have
to say and many of you may not, but HEY this is my world, you are just
temporarily in it ;-)
#1 How I relate to others (friends and potential mates)
Before the age of social media, my friends and I would sit
around together in the same room and have meaningful discussions about
politics, spirituality, goals and just general life BS. Now, 90% of those
conversations take place on social media. Why? Partial contribution goes to
getting older and having more responsibility and less time to spend with your
friends. I’d say a large contributor is also why get together and have (real,
not Apple) face time when you can do this over the internet from the comfort of
your couch/desk/barstool? Who needs to make an effort to set aside time for
your friends while you can do it (almost) anywhere in the world? I could really write on this all day about why
social media takes away from the depth of your friendships but the point is
moot. Do I have friends I talk to aside from social media and have regular interactions
and deep, meaningful relationships with? Yes, of course I do. But the number of
those friends is REALLY, REALLY small.
Now, on to the dating side. Back 5 short years ago I didn’t need
to check my boyfriends “top 3” SnapChat friends or see who’s pictures he was “liking”
on facebook or care if my status said “in a relationship with….” Or not to feel
validated because well.. it either didn’t exist or was not important. Now, it
seems like social media status rules the relationship. If he/she is friends with their ex on
facebook or snapchats said ex more often than you, DOOM! A few short years ago
you just either decided you were going to trust someone or you weren’t and that
was the end of it. Did some people snoop through phones to see who your
girl/guy was communicating with? Sure. Obviously if they are talking to someone
that is outside the normal range of “friend” more often than they speak to you
it’s a red flag, but just because they like someone’s pics or remain friends
with an ex via social media, why is that the end of the bond you have forged
with them one on one? If you’re getting their time and attention outside of a
social media outlet and they seem like they are investing in you, why would you
let something so small ruin something that could be great? Social media has
allowed a whole new outlet for insecurity in relationships, further
complicating the already complicated. That’s all I really have to say about
that.
#2 Over-Sharing
Social media has turned us from private people with private
lives into people who share the stupidest parts of our day. For goodness sakes,
we feel the need to share pics of everything we eat. What’s next? Is anything
sacred? We have to share every single stand point we have on political issues
with the world and air all our dirty laundry (this all will feed into my next
and last point..) We feel the need to jump in everyone’s lives and input our
opinion.. (it’s not like they weren’t begging for it though, right?). When you
stop and think about it.. if social media didn’t exist, would you call all your
friends to let them know you were going to the gym?? NO! Of course not! Would
you tell them “girl I gotta email you a picture of this sandwich and chips I just
had for lunch!” …. Need I say more? I have started feeling like I’m supposed to
share every aspect of my life because that’s what everyone else does. I’ve
always been a leader and not a follower though, so somewhere along the way, I’ve
kinda lost myself and become a “sheeple.” In the past couple weeks since I’ve
taken a step back and become much more private, I have felt much more relaxed
and way more like myself.
#3 Seeking Validation
Before social media became so important, the only people I really
cared about accepting me or impressing with my accomplishments were my family,
my friends and my coworkers. We all want people to be proud of us, appreciate
our point of view, think we’re smart/funny etc. I mainly hoped this is how my
friends and family viewed me. Now for some ungodly reason I care about if
people I barely know think I’m funny, smart, accomplished or whether or not
they appreciate my view of the world. How pathetic is that? I’m just kind of done caring whether or not
people think they’re better’n me. For the better part of the last couple years
I’ve taken a lot of pride in knowing exactly who I am, exactly what I want and
not needing anyone to tell me I’m great to feel like I’m great. I have my
beliefs, I look at myself and love what I see and I think I have a lot to offer
people and the world. I don’t need to be validated. However, every now and then
when I have something to say or a point to make, I want people to agree with
me! Lots of people! I want the world to see things MY WAY!!!! I feel like this
is completely social media induced and that I need to get away and channel this
energy into something more productive like writing a blog and not caring what
anyone else thinks or has to say. Hmmmm I think I’ll do that. ;-)
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