Scientifically Proven As a Leading Cause for Killing A Relationship ...

So I rarely read dating advice columns or blogs because I think they're a bunch of bullshit. You're better off reading about mindfulness or how to love yourself and that will teach you a lot about how to "relate" to others. Anyways...

I came across an article today that struck me as the epitome of problems most people cause themselves when trying to find someone to share their lives with. The tag line was "remember you don't want him, you want a relationship" WHAT? You just turned a person into an objective. How dehumanizing is that? I'm not going to say there aren't people out there who are just plain assholes (men and women alike) that will treat you wrong, but if you have a good relationship with yourself, you'll know when to leave that person well enough alone and move on with your bad self! But I think a fatal flaw most people make is not being interested in truly getting to know and enjoy a person as they are and instead turn them into a goal.

Have you ever felt like you were being used? That someone only keeps you around because they want something from you and not necessarily because they enjoy your company? Kind of makes you feel uneasy in their presence. It makes you want to not be around them as much because you're better than that, you're more than a means to an end, right? Exactly! If your sole purpose in someone is a ring, a dress and cute little blue-eyed babies, they're probably going to run for the hills faster than you can say “where is this heading?”

There’s a flip side to this coin though, because I am by no means telling you to settle for less than what you want. It's good to have goals and objectives for your life. It's good to want to get married and have a family. But if you automatically put every guy/girl you date into this picture-perfect scene in your head and trying to rush this along to meet some cut-off date you have created, you're more likely to kill the situation before you get the chance to watch it bloom. People aren't a wedding or a family, they are people. Get to know them. Enjoy the time you get to spend together. If they're non-committal, keep your options open. If you want more and they're not willing to offer it, leave. But don't objectify them. 

I personally would rather have a good relationship with someone I truly enjoy spending time with than a title, but that's just me. 

My last point is a little off topic: Don't blame other people when you have invested your time and energy in them only to have them not give you what you want. Most times if you pay attention upfront, people tell you exactly what they are looking for. TAKE THEM AT FACE VALUE. Don't assume that you are going to be the person who changes their mind. People only do things, like commit to a relationship, when they are ready to do them.. and no begging, pleading or showing them how awesome you are is going to change that. Also, don't sell yourself short. Again, KEEP YOUR OPTIONS OPEN. If you resign to acting like someone's boyfriend/girlfriend and are committed and monogamous to them without actually being their boyfriend/girlfriend, why would they put in any extra effort? Would you insist on paying full price for something when you can buy it on clearance? No! So why should anyone invest any more time or energy in you than they have to?

And lastly, if you're not getting what you want or need out of something, have the courage to walk away. Don't do this in a bitter way or try to illicit jealousy from the other party or guilt them into getting what you want.  That's a way of putting blame on them and not accepting your part in it. Walk away from a place of respect, love and light for the both of you. Wish them well and move on. If after they see you have truly moved on and you're not going to give them any more of your time without the commitment you want, they will chase you down and give you the commitment you want. If they don't, they never were going to in the first place and it's better to know now then 6 months down the road.