How To Get Over A Guy in 10 Days

Since a vast majority of my friends have been going through breakups, I have come up with…..

Lacey’s New and Improved rules for a breakup.. or non breakup for all us people who have been  in that non-relationship (you know, where it’s like a relationship in every way except for the fact that it’s not…okay maybe that was only in my head... or not.)

   

1.)    Don’t immediately agree to stay friends  

      Congrats! You finally worked up the courage to high tail it out of a not-so-ideal situation or someone made that decision for you. Either way, this is a POSITIVE. Now, the worst thing you can do for yourself is to say, “hey yeah! We can totally still be friends! I’m so chill, it’s cool! I’m so chill in fact that my heart isn't even beating..and I’m like that girl in Frozen.” Said no completely sane-and-thinking-straight person EVER.. don’t forget about the most important word in your situation BREAK.. if you can be friends, save it for down the road.

2.)    Block/Unfriend them on Facebook  

      I know, I know, we’re all adults here right? So you can totally still be FB Buddies right? Yes, that sounds all well and good until you see Joe Misshim with his arm around that brunette who (you think.. but isn’t really)  20x hotter than you and you suddenly feel like now is a good time to go jump off 50ft bridge over 2 feet of water… Friends can always be re-added, but It takes time to heal from a blow to your self-confidence while you are trying to heal from... well, a blow to your self-confidence. Just do yourself a favor and put the blinders on.

3.)    If you feel like you NEED to, HAVE to get drunk, call your besties and have a girls night 

     Just don’t do it alone right now YOU WILL DO SOMETHING STUPID… I REPEAT, DO NOT DRINK ALONE, YOU WILL MAKE BAD DECISIONS

4.)    If you feel the urge to drunk dial or text your ex (or non-ex, whatever), have your girlfriend throw your phone in a fire pit, volcano, or anything flammable really  

      Because I’m pretty sure that’s the only way to destroy a Samsung Galaxy….

5.)    Take up a High intensity workout  

      You can do yoga once the mad/sad/RAGE is out. For now, work through that shit with some kick boxing, intense running, or something of the such. Not only will the endorphins lift your mood, you’ll feel better and look hot for all those super hot new hotties that will be flocking your way.

6.)    STOP TALKING ABOUT IT-

      Rehashing it with your best friend one night is therapeutic.. anything after that is just self-inflicted torture. You said it, you got it out.. move on.

7.)    Rebound once, with Channing Tatum... or with that guy who looks like him..or two of him maybe? But only once!! 

     ....And then take a breather and focus on yourself.

8.)    Be single for a while  

      The best way to get over a relationship does not happen to be by getting into another right away. Trust me, when the next one fails.. it will just bring with it all your unresolved issues from the previously unsuccessful relationship. Deal with yourself, then when you’re truly ready to open up and share yourself again and experience life with someone else (who you will absolutely under no circumstances compare them to or blame them for the actions of someone else) then do so. 

9.)    Sulk and pamper yourself at the same time  

       Because you won't get around your emotions without actually dealing with them so go get your nails done while you bask in your saddness, or a massage, or take a hot bath with a glass of wine. Win-win!

10.)  Trash the Ben and Jerry’s 

       eating high calorie sugary shit will not make you feel hot, and you want to feel hot right now…

11.) Don’t plot to get him back  

     Because it’s pathetic. Sorry if I just hurt your feelings, but it is. Don’t waste time trying to get HIM back, productively use your time to get YOURSELF back in check, you super hot, hottie!

12.)  Stop Blaming Yourself, and Him Too  

      Yes you’re pretty enough, smart enough, awesome enough etcetera.. it just didn't work! Don’t blame yourself, don’t blame him. The truth is, both of you had some fault in the demise of your relationship. It’s unhealthy to focus on blame rather than just realizing, it probably wasn't right.

13.)  Don’t Stop Yourself from moving on  

      Is there a possibility he might realize how much he needs you and come back? Of course! There’s also a chance I’ll win the lottery next week but it’s not even by a margin of reality a safe or strategic bet. The only smart bet in this situation is you moving on and being happy because that’s what WILL in fact happen as long as you stop dwelling in the past.

I’ll stop there… 13 seems appropriate since it’s my lucky number ;-)

Hope this finds you all well and this is just something you can store in your memory file for the future or get a good laugh out of. But if not, you should totally come drink with me ;-)

There is No "I" in Team, But There is A "U" in...

Have you ever noticed how much you say the word “I” in a day?

Start counting and you will probably be surprised (and if you are like me.. even a little embarrassed) at how much we talk about ourselves. I had a friend a couple weeks ago tell me that his brother is bothered if he says the word “I” too often because it makes him feel selfish. I reflected on this briefly but didn’t give it too much though until…..

 If you are addicted to IFLS (I F#%king Love Science for those not in the know) you may have come across the video they posted recently about how Social Media is literally rewiring out brains. We have now become so obsessed with talking about ourselves that it registers in our brain the same way a drug addiction would. Even more so, brain scans have determined that people get more of a rise out of talking about themselves than they do listening about others. This got me thinking about how much I talk about myself all day and makes me wonder what kind of validation I am secretly seeking, if I seem self-centered to others and if this is just normal human behavior…

Since the dawn of time (okay.. well at least since I have been cognitively listening to stories from my elders about themselves…) people have seemed to enjoy talking about well, themselves. Everyone needs to vent every now and then about their day or likes to tell the “back in my day” stories,  but when did this become an addiction? Has it always been? Is this some sort of crazy human evolution happening before our eyes? Are we going to get so wrapped up in ourselves that we stop caring about others and closing ourselves off from learning others ways of life? So many questions, which lead me to more questions … none of which I have an answer to yet.

With that being said, my challenge to you (and myself) is to evaluate how much we talk about ourselves. Note how you feel when you do so. Try to go a few days without posting something about yourself or your day on facebook and see how that makes you feel. Anxious? Nervous? For those of us with ADHD.. like we’re about to effing explode if we don’t get all the words out.. right now!!! ;-)

Reflect on how you could broaden your horizons if you listened more and “I”d less. It’s kind of a double edged sword though because if no one is talking about themselves, how do we communicate our feelings, hopes, dreams and fears to one another? Maybe all that is over rated as well… Really, it’s questions for me. Questions all the way 

THIS IS SPARTA! - The Before

Spartan is a mere 3.5 days away and I couldn’t be more excited/nervous/anxious/dreadful than I am right now. What a Smörgåsbord of emotions over a race!! I wanted to squeeze and “before” blog in before I get around to blogging my experience post-race. So why am I doing this thing of ¾ of my emotions toward it are seemingly negative-ish.. let me explain:

Now is the best time than ever to explain a huge reason why I do extreme athletic events like this with the ALS ice bucket challenge going on. ALS Association has been an organization near and dear to my heart for many years since the passing of my beloved mentor and family friend Dave Lamontagne due to this progressive and fatal illness. They are truly an amazing organization who does amazing things not just for research, but in aiding families in everything they need from wheelchairs to hospice care as their loved ones deteriorate and eventually die and I highly encourage everyone to donate what you can. Your money is truly going into a worth-while cause and being used to help find a cure and provide assistance to those in need…

Back to my reasoning: I don’t do this because I am the most athletically inclined person on earth, or even close to it. I do it for a simple reason. Because I can.

I have legs that work, good health and drive. There are many people that will never get to have this experience because they can’t. They have bad health, they were born without the ability to walk, they were paralyzed in a car accident etc.. I do this for people like them. I do it so that I remind myself to not sit on my ass and take for granted the fact that I can do these things. I could go on forever and make this long and drawn out, but it really is that simple.

 I also do this for one other reason: It changes me. It forces me to dig deep and give my all, then give more when I feel like giving up. My team is counting on me, I’m counting on myself. It’s very much a coming-to-Jesus moment. It’s one thing that is either black or white. You succeed or you fail. Failure is when you give up mentally. This impacts my life beyond the course. It reminds me to push harder at everything.

That’s all I have for now for you folks. I can’t wait for Saturday! I have an amazing team that I couldn’t be more grateful to have by my side as I strive for that awesome “Super Spartan Finishers Medal”

THIS IS SPARTA! 

Scientifically Proven As a Leading Cause for Killing A Relationship ...

So I rarely read dating advice columns or blogs because I think they're a bunch of bullshit. You're better off reading about mindfulness or how to love yourself and that will teach you a lot about how to "relate" to others. Anyways...

I came across an article today that struck me as the epitome of problems most people cause themselves when trying to find someone to share their lives with. The tag line was "remember you don't want him, you want a relationship" WHAT? You just turned a person into an objective. How dehumanizing is that? I'm not going to say there aren't people out there who are just plain assholes (men and women alike) that will treat you wrong, but if you have a good relationship with yourself, you'll know when to leave that person well enough alone and move on with your bad self! But I think a fatal flaw most people make is not being interested in truly getting to know and enjoy a person as they are and instead turn them into a goal.

Have you ever felt like you were being used? That someone only keeps you around because they want something from you and not necessarily because they enjoy your company? Kind of makes you feel uneasy in their presence. It makes you want to not be around them as much because you're better than that, you're more than a means to an end, right? Exactly! If your sole purpose in someone is a ring, a dress and cute little blue-eyed babies, they're probably going to run for the hills faster than you can say “where is this heading?”

There’s a flip side to this coin though, because I am by no means telling you to settle for less than what you want. It's good to have goals and objectives for your life. It's good to want to get married and have a family. But if you automatically put every guy/girl you date into this picture-perfect scene in your head and trying to rush this along to meet some cut-off date you have created, you're more likely to kill the situation before you get the chance to watch it bloom. People aren't a wedding or a family, they are people. Get to know them. Enjoy the time you get to spend together. If they're non-committal, keep your options open. If you want more and they're not willing to offer it, leave. But don't objectify them. 

I personally would rather have a good relationship with someone I truly enjoy spending time with than a title, but that's just me. 

My last point is a little off topic: Don't blame other people when you have invested your time and energy in them only to have them not give you what you want. Most times if you pay attention upfront, people tell you exactly what they are looking for. TAKE THEM AT FACE VALUE. Don't assume that you are going to be the person who changes their mind. People only do things, like commit to a relationship, when they are ready to do them.. and no begging, pleading or showing them how awesome you are is going to change that. Also, don't sell yourself short. Again, KEEP YOUR OPTIONS OPEN. If you resign to acting like someone's boyfriend/girlfriend and are committed and monogamous to them without actually being their boyfriend/girlfriend, why would they put in any extra effort? Would you insist on paying full price for something when you can buy it on clearance? No! So why should anyone invest any more time or energy in you than they have to?

And lastly, if you're not getting what you want or need out of something, have the courage to walk away. Don't do this in a bitter way or try to illicit jealousy from the other party or guilt them into getting what you want.  That's a way of putting blame on them and not accepting your part in it. Walk away from a place of respect, love and light for the both of you. Wish them well and move on. If after they see you have truly moved on and you're not going to give them any more of your time without the commitment you want, they will chase you down and give you the commitment you want. If they don't, they never were going to in the first place and it's better to know now then 6 months down the road. 

Confidence is Key

The majority of my life, I saw myself in a negative light. When I weighed 95lbs, I thought I was fat and ugly. I always thought I was dumb and not very smart, despite the fact that I could excel at anything I put my mind to.  I didn’t think I was funny or likeable even though I had lots of friends and was always able to make the entire room laugh. Looking back I always cringe at how much I HATED (yes, you read that right) myself. As a result of this self-loathing, the relationships I got myself into were fueled by need for validation and well, just neediness in general. Despite being able to attract any man out there, I always seemed to settle for the ones who treated me like shit! Why? Because I treated myself like shit. I also treated other people like shit. Why? Because it made me feel better about myself. Selfish, I know, but find me a person who hasn’t put someone down at one point or another to feel better about themselves. You ain’t better’n me!

Now I’m ..old.. and 40lbs heavier. Gone is my Gwen Stefanie-esque body and here are the stretch marks, the mom pouch and whatever other flaw you want to pick out (the list is long, but distinguished). Yet, despite all this, I’m more confident than I’ve ever been in my entire life. I don’t assume people DON’T like me, I always assume they do. Why wouldn’t they? If I don’t like something about myself, I change it. If I feel like I could be smarter on something, I take the time to learn it. I truly believe my only limits are the ones I create in my own mind (and yes, I do create them.) I try my damnedest to be nice to everyone and help someone every chance I get. I don’t expect anything in return either. I try to live my life in the calmest manner possible and never overreact. Am I perfect at this? Psshhhttt, not even close.

I have found that confidence in myself has been the number one factor in getting me where and turning me into who I want to be. It has helped me get where I want in my career, it has afforded me  the opportunity to have the type of people I want in my life and decide where my life is heading. Why you ask? Because when you have confidence in yourself, you know the decisions you make are based on what is best for you because you are no longer dependent upon other people or things to be the source of your happiness. You are also able to take responsibility for your actions and accept them, not harp on them or take them out on other people and consequently making your own life miserable. You don’t need to be validated. I was once told that the relationship you have with yourself and the way in which you chose to love yourself will be directly reflected in the relationships you have with other people.. whether it be your friendships, romances or how you interact with your family. This is a fundamental truth that I have found to be 100% accurate.

So you might ask, “Well Lacey, if you’re so confident and your confidence or lack there of is the key ingredient to successful relationship, how come you haven’t had one?”

Well, there, that’s a good question indeed, which my response to is that I’ve had lots of successful relationships. Sure, I might not still be with this or that person, but I learned something from my relationship with them. I had the confidence and self-love to leave when I wasn’t being fulfilled or felt mistreated. Once you realize that your happiness is solely dependent upon you and the decisions you make, it makes success versus failure look much different. The only true failure is failing yourself. Convincing yourself that you’re okay with something when in reality, you might not be. Do I stumble, fall, make mistakes and have moments of regret or self-inflicted pain?? Absolutely! Do I dwell on them? Not nearly as much as I used to because I’m confident I made the right decision for myself. It’s impossible to escape the negative that comes with life, but it is not impossible to deal with it with grace and dignity when you believe in yourself and your ability to choose the right path.

So my advice, ladies and gents, is get out there and be confident! You’re not always going to have easy choices to make, but if you don’t believe in yourself, you will surely never convince anyone else to do the same. 

I Want to Inspire The World, Here's How I Plan To Do It:

Since I was in high school, I have had a deep love for writing. It’s been an outlet of sorts to take my emotions and let them explode from my fingertips in a well thought out way rather than the reckless abandon of spewing everything I feel out of my mouth.  It’s kept me calm, it’s gotten me through the bad, celebrate the good and most of all, it’s helped me to take a moment to SEE the whole picture and deeply reflect. It’s been a pleasure to take many of you along on my ride and humbling to have you tell me how much I have inspired you. It is truly gratifying to know that sharing my life has helped the world in some way, shape or form. My only regret is that I’ve used this blog less and facebook more to share my stories and will never see those bits of writing again.. well, without a lot of digging anyways.

I’ve felt for a long time that part of my purpose here on this earth is to take this passion I have for writing and helping others and plug it into some creative outlet to help spread love and light upon the world. I’ve supplied idea’s and ghost blogged for a little over a year now but I think it’s finally time to take my dog and pony show on my own circus tour. My goal for the rest of the year is to finally start my own site to write and have people share their stories to spread love and positivity as far around the world-wide-web as we can. I have friends who are amazingly gifted writers and incredibly insightful that I feel need to have their story heard.  Will this be the next big blog? Probably not. Blogs and inspirational sites are a dime-a-dozen, but I’ll be content knowing that I tried and put myself out there. If even one life is changed, inspired or made better, it will have been well worth the effort. A seed planted and nurtured turns into a beautiful flower and makes the world a better place.

I, for one, am not the most technical writer in the world. Not even by a long shot! As I’m typing this, Microsoft Word is pointing out my distinct short comings when it comes to proper punctuation and completing an actual sentence. I hardly feel that makes a difference when you are trying to relate to your everyday, average person though. My lexicon might not be the broadest, but I feel like I’m relatable and that’s really the goal here.  In the coming weeks I will be conspiring with the great minds I have around me, see what the interest is and refining a main concept for this site. I know the goal is to inspire, but inspire what exactly? Here is a list of some things I want to cover:

1.)    Self and spiritual growth

2.)    Fitness for everyone

3.)    Creativity.. Finding your outlet

4.)    Mental health awareness

5.)    The importance of positivity

6.)    Adventures in Nature.

 What do you think? What would you like to see on there? Who would you like to see blogging? Feel free to contact me with your ideas or suggestions. J

The Tale of Lacey's Social Media Diet

Back only five years ago, I rarely used social media, I wrote more often, and I barely used text messaging. I had a real definitive circle of friends that I saw or had phone conversations with regularly and would check my Facebook a couple times a week.

Flash forward five years and it seems like our lives are enveloped in social media and instant communication (this piece is mainly covering social media, however). Is this the world evolving? Yes. But are we? I’ve been taking a break of sorts for the past couple weeks and it has been an interesting experience. I have noticed that in a lot of ways, I don’t have the relationships with people (or myself) that I used to. I’m not saying social media and the age of instant communication is inherently bad, it’s not. In many ways, it’s good. It allows an outlet to reconnect with people you would otherwise never speak to again and an easy way to share our daily lives with people we love and can’t see often. However, in this process I feel like it’s taken away from the deep interpersonal relationships we used to have with each other. It has also provided a superficial way to judge our interpersonal relationships with others. I can think of at least a few of my relationships that were ruined before they even had the chance to take off because of social media. How silly is that? I’m going to hit on 3 points on why I’ve decided to take a break from social media. Maybe some of you will agree with what I have to say and many of you may not, but HEY this is my world, you are just temporarily in it ;-)

#1 How I relate to others (friends and potential mates)

Before the age of social media, my friends and I would sit around together in the same room and have meaningful discussions about politics, spirituality, goals and just general life BS. Now, 90% of those conversations take place on social media. Why? Partial contribution goes to getting older and having more responsibility and less time to spend with your friends. I’d say a large contributor is also why get together and have (real, not Apple) face time when you can do this over the internet from the comfort of your couch/desk/barstool? Who needs to make an effort to set aside time for your friends while you can do it (almost) anywhere in the world?  I could really write on this all day about why social media takes away from the depth of your friendships but the point is moot. Do I have friends I talk to aside from social media and have regular interactions and deep, meaningful relationships with? Yes, of course I do. But the number of those friends is REALLY, REALLY small.

Now, on to the dating side. Back 5 short years ago I didn’t need to check my boyfriends “top 3” SnapChat friends or see who’s pictures he was “liking” on facebook or care if my status said “in a relationship with….” Or not to feel validated because well.. it either didn’t exist or was not important. Now, it seems like social media status rules the relationship.  If he/she is friends with their ex on facebook or snapchats said ex more often than you, DOOM! A few short years ago you just either decided you were going to trust someone or you weren’t and that was the end of it. Did some people snoop through phones to see who your girl/guy was communicating with? Sure. Obviously if they are talking to someone that is outside the normal range of “friend” more often than they speak to you it’s a red flag, but just because they like someone’s pics or remain friends with an ex via social media, why is that the end of the bond you have forged with them one on one? If you’re getting their time and attention outside of a social media outlet and they seem like they are investing in you, why would you let something so small ruin something that could be great? Social media has allowed a whole new outlet for insecurity in relationships, further complicating the already complicated. That’s all I really have to say about that.

#2 Over-Sharing

Social media has turned us from private people with private lives into people who share the stupidest parts of our day. For goodness sakes, we feel the need to share pics of everything we eat. What’s next? Is anything sacred? We have to share every single stand point we have on political issues with the world and air all our dirty laundry (this all will feed into my next and last point..) We feel the need to jump in everyone’s lives and input our opinion.. (it’s not like they weren’t begging for it though, right?). When you stop and think about it.. if social media didn’t exist, would you call all your friends to let them know you were going to the gym?? NO! Of course not! Would you tell them “girl I gotta email you a picture of this sandwich and chips I just had for lunch!” …. Need I say more? I have started feeling like I’m supposed to share every aspect of my life because that’s what everyone else does. I’ve always been a leader and not a follower though, so somewhere along the way, I’ve kinda lost myself and become a “sheeple.” In the past couple weeks since I’ve taken a step back and become much more private, I have felt much more relaxed and way more like myself.

#3 Seeking Validation

Before social media became so important, the only people I really cared about accepting me or impressing with my accomplishments were my family, my friends and my coworkers. We all want people to be proud of us, appreciate our point of view, think we’re smart/funny etc. I mainly hoped this is how my friends and family viewed me. Now for some ungodly reason I care about if people I barely know think I’m funny, smart, accomplished or whether or not they appreciate my view of the world. How pathetic is that?  I’m just kind of done caring whether or not people think they’re better’n me. For the better part of the last couple years I’ve taken a lot of pride in knowing exactly who I am, exactly what I want and not needing anyone to tell me I’m great to feel like I’m great. I have my beliefs, I look at myself and love what I see and I think I have a lot to offer people and the world. I don’t need to be validated. However, every now and then when I have something to say or a point to make, I want people to agree with me! Lots of people! I want the world to see things MY WAY!!!! I feel like this is completely social media induced and that I need to get away and channel this energy into something more productive like writing a blog and not caring what anyone else thinks or has to say. Hmmmm I think I’ll do that. ;-) 

The Great Let Down... on repeat. A letter to myself.

Dear Self,

Why oh why do you put yourself through the same torture again and again? It always ends the same. You go weeks without talking to him and realize now that he’s not on your mind he probably didn’t mean that much to you anyways. Then after weeks of mutual silence he calls, you ignore, you break down and call him back later. He sweet talks you, makes you feel like one of a kind and that he adores you. You make date, date comes, he blows you off. Wash, rinse, repeat.

One would think I would have learned my lesson 5 years ago. And trust me I did.. I really did. I walked away and left that bridge ablaze. I didn’t care what I was burning. I was rising from the ashes like a Phoenix. So, WTF am I doing now (besides being stupid expecting a different outcome.) Granted, I’ve been in worse relationships, but I’ve never loved anyone as much or as deeply. That just doesn’t go away.

 I had 5 years of peace without being reminded, but all that has ended. Now I feel like my feelings are yet again someone’s games. Roping me in, just to let me down. So I’m writing this to tell you to STOP. Stop giving in, stop calling back and stop being STUPID! If he really wanted to see you, he wouldn’t blow you off every single time.. last minute none the less. Or they would at least have the decency to tell you that you were being blown off if you meant anything at all to them. So… I’m begging you SELF.. Just stop. Just let it go for good this time. Don’t turn back. You leave people in your past for a reason. Let them stay there. You have such a bright future ahead of yourself and if people want to be there for you, THEY WILL BE. You won’t have to ask or beg them to be there and they won’t CONSTANTLY let you down. Now cheer up butter cup. In the words of the great Jay-Z it’s “on to the next one.”

Sincerely, Your Biggest Fan,

Lacey

Ish just got real...

Nothing quite like a broken ankle, a late night, irritation over people and their ridiculousness and crazy world events I feel passionate about to stir up a new blog post.

I've got one brewing that's very deep and thought out for Boston, but I'm waiting until I have all the right words to post it. So without further ado I would like to discuss one of my current irritations: fake friends and their ridiculous, irrational actions.

First off, if anyone doesn't want to be my friends at this point in my life, I could absolutely care less! I have enough REAL friends in my life that make up in quality where quantity might be lacking. The older I get, the more important I find said quality to be. With that being said, if one wants to bash me, defriend me or act stupid about a situation they perceive (which they are probably completely off base with) then that's fine by me. I promise my feelings won't be hurt at all.

Maybe I'm off base here, but I feel like I'm  a pretty cool , easy going chick who doesn't betray her friends. I am nice to a fault. So for someone to attempt to stir up drama for no reason other than not liking my choice of friends, I can totally do without people like that in my life. I think I have some of the coolest chicks (and dudes) in my life already.

I just don't get what it is with some people and their constant need for attention and drama. Same goes for the people who think the world will end if they go one month without being in a relationship. I get wanting attention. I'm an attention whore. That's why I learned to have wit and be funny... not cause drama. And I get that no one wants to be lonely but if you need someone else to validate or complete you, its probably because you're not happy with yourself. Just sayin' Anywho... that's my blog for tonight. Time for more pain meds and hopefully sleep and of course catching up on some of my fave blogs from friends in the process. Bon Nuit Mon amie.

"I got a lot to say to you, yeah I got a lot to say....."

Name that lyric.... Okay, just kidding. We'll save the song quote game for the next time we're sitting around drinking Tequila singing Spice Girls songs. ;-) Well, it feels like it's been a million years since I've posted a blog (it's been 3). This feels GOOD! I always have a lot to say and I'm pretty sure I used to feel a lot less frustrated when I could write it all out in the form of short story or rant. So here it goes.. here's my first blog. YAY I really don't have a topic picked out for the evening. The past few weeks have been an array of CRAZY that I have so much to say about. I will organize my thoughts and get them up here as they come to me. Right now I just wanted to dip my toes back in the water... and make sure I still knew how to operate this site. (Yes, I'm that computer illiterate sometimes) I would like to leave you with this though. Take 1 moment and be thankful for the people in your life whom you love and remember to tell them every chance you get. I'm not going to launch into a blog about this past Friday's massacre because I know we are all sick to death of hearing about it and none of us (especially those of us who are parents) even want to begin to fathom the grief these families and that community are feeling right now. Just make sure to appreciate the ones close to you because life is short.

Tales of a 20-Something Single White Female Pt. 1

She’s sat around for days, quietly wrestling the emotional turmoil going on deep within her heart and mind. From feelings of regret to feelings of relief, although she can’t begin to fathom where there would be any relief in such a situation. Wanting to neatly tie back together that which she had undone, but she can’t. She knows that would just be cruel. There was no way to wrap this up all nice and neat and tie a red ribbon of passion around it and pretend as if it were just that. It wasn’t. Inside, it was a mess. That mess was her.

She despaired to know that there was no longer a hope to fall asleep or wake up with a warm body beside her. She had no desire to feel anyone beside her but him anyways. She wondered how the days and months would pass before this flame turned from red to blue. She thought this over many times, though she didn’t care to have the answer. Looking ahead hurt too much, hindsight felt the same. She was determined to live in the present for once. She was enjoying the solitude to a degree, though she was rarely alone. Her days and nights had been filled with faces aglow and dark corners of bars alike. The alcohol nor the company drowned her pain. Surrounded by the nectar of the gods and their followers felt more lonely than solitary confinement.

At last some peace would come on a dark cold Friday night. However, it was the cheap kind of peace when someone confirms your initial actions where necessary, but it doesn’t make the truth any easier to swallow. Truth- that jagged little pill that scrapes your insides on the way down, lacerating your heart in ways you knew were possible but you had forgotten the possibility. Alas, she had reached a temporary closure. Now maybe she could move on to something more permanent?

It’s now Sunday evening and she’s looking for an escape again. The looming week of emails, figures, reports and all the other trials and tribulations of corporate America and him are weighing heavy on her mind. She remember the words “In Vino Veritas” and reaches forthe bottle on the table. As she settles in with her glass of Burgundy, the sweet aroma of the liquid-escape fills the air around her. With a faint smile and tear rolling down her flushed cheek, she finally sees that there really is beauty in the breakdown

8/9/2009 Nathan T. Hardee - The Man, The Legend, The Center of a Small Town.

Tonight I attended the "unofficial" Vigil for Nathan T. Hardee. While they had a lovely opening prayer and speaker and turned it over to open mic, I wished I could have gotten up there and spoken. Unfortunately public speaking scares the crap out of me so I'm just going to write here what I wish I could have said there. ((PS my cousin Katie and I were both interview for the news at 10 on channel 10 and channel 13))

Nathan T. "Nat" Hardee was truly the heart and spirit of Deep Creek. My parents, cousins, aunts, uncles, great aunts and uncles were all either classmates of Mr. Hardee or he was their Principal. It's not often someone hands you your diploma then 20 or so years later you get to watch that same person hand your child a diploma. But he was much more than that. He remembered my name and all those of my family members (cousins included) and always asked about them or had some kind of story to tell about them. I remember him always asking me about my father every single day of my DCHS career and always telling me about how great of baseball player he was. He'd also ask about my aunts, uncles, and cousins. How amazing is that? I'd say most principals couldn't tell you the name of hardly anyone that walked the halls of their school 5 years ago unless they made some huge scholastic achievement, was a spectacular athlete, or caused a ruckus-never the less remember people from 30 years. The man never forgot a name or their relatives.
Despite all this though, Mr. Hardee taught me some valuable lessons through his many displays or greatness. He taught me to take pride in everything I do and to have pride in my community and my family. He taught me this by having pride in his school, his students past and present, and in the decisions he made. Mr. Hardee taught me to love- love thy family, love thy friends, and even more so to love thy enemies. He loved his school, he loved his "children", and he loved his community- no one who walked the halls of DCHS can deny this. He was there for us when we needed him and never denied anyone an ear who had an idea, a complaint, or needed guidance. He was a natural born leader and proved this when my aunt (Lolly) was in high school during the race issues and riots the school had in his early days as principal. He took on a seemingly impossible job and with great love and dedication turned Deep Creek from a place of turmoil to the loving community so many people like my parents choose to return to and raise their children. Through this he taught me two very different lessons - that nothing is impossible, and home really is where the heart is.
Now the times have changed and Deep Creek is nothing like it the place we all knew and loved. Mr. Hardee's death seems to truly signify the ending of an era. The turning of the tides. The time to close one chapter and start anew with the memories etched in our heads and hearts of days past. It is very sad indeed, but there is light in all that is dark. Let's take this moment and truly appreciate the legacy of a great man. A staple of a small town. The patriarch of the Deep Creek Hornets. The heart and soul of the Purple and White. Those are all things to describe the man that was Nathan T. Hardee, our friend and leader. May his spirit live on in the hearts of all that walked the halls of Deep Creek during his 37 year tenure as our principal of Deep Creek High School. Rest in peace Mr. Hardee, you will be loved, remembered, and missed.


Again, my heart and prayers go out to his family. My God bring them peace and comfort knowing the caliber of a man they got to call family.

To Be a Man Like My Father

To be a man like my Father, You'd have to be strong
He stands up for me when I'm right and when I'm wrong
He loves his family, that I know
Because emotions for him are easy to show
He loves his children and his wife
He loves everything about his life
He's not afraid to cry
He always stands up for what he believes
And even when he probably shouldn't, he believes in me
There's nothing he wouldn't do for the people he loves
And he's always there to lend his ear, give advice, and give hugs
He's laid back and level headed
He rarely does anything crazy
He's smart, fun, and witty and never lazy
So if your a man like this, this ones for you
Cause it's rare to find a father so loving and true

Let Time Pass You By!!!!

Just few moments ago I was standing on my front porch smoking a cigarette and witnessed something I'd never seen before. All around was blue sky except for an opening through the trees that was a golden orange which was obviously the sun setting covered by clouds. That of course I'd seen before, but what I had never seen was the clouds rushing by at the pace that they were. They were rushing by so fast, it was beautiful. It was like being able to see gale force winds fly by (think Pocahontas "colors of the wind.")

This got me thinking about how quickly little moments in life pass us by. Often times we feel nostalgic for these moments, and sometimes we feel regret. Sometimes we wish we had stood still and really soaked it up, and sometimes we wish we had taken an extra moment and thought it through. Either way I think we always wish we had made the moment last longer whether it have been to enjoy it, or to chose differently. No matter what though, a minute never changes on the clock. That moment took 60 seconds to pass (figuratively speaking) you couldn't have slowed it down, or sped it up nor would you ever truly gain appreciation for how fast things can pass you by had you not taken for granted the time given. That's the thing about time, you can look back on it and wish you had cherished that hug a little longer, or every second you got to do something you really enjoyed as a kid. But those moments of indecision when we let things pass us by are the things that we reflect on and learn to live life a little slower and truly appreciate the things that have been laid before us and the paths we have chosen.

For a moment I wished there was someone there to witness that event with me so I could tell them about these thoughts going through my head at that very moment watching the clouds whip on by, then I was glad it was just me. It was my experience. Seemingly captured by my eyes and my eyes only. For once I felt happy with where I am in life. For all the wrong I've done, lessons I've learned, and time I've let slip on by. For once I find myself appreciating the fact that I don't know what's ahead of me and that I don't have it all figured out just yet. I have no clue what mistake or misstep I'm going to make tomorrow, but I do know I have little moments that i let pass by me faster than a tornado that have taught me so much and that I will hopefully apply to my future.

Moral of the story:
Don't beat yourself up over that which you can't change. Time passes you by, so what? Make what you can of it and move on. Time will keep passing you by, you'll always make mistakes, and there's always going to be something you wish you could change. Just remember the world doesn't stop for you, so don't stop for it.

6/9/09 Random Thought of the Day

It amazes me how all my more profound thoughts occur while smoking a cigarette on my parents front porch on some idle day or night, but anyways... more to the point of this...

While sitting here somewhat pondering all the crazy nights I've had and the legendary hangovers the next morning and coffee drank to drown out the night of drowning, a thought occurred to me... what if we drink in reverse? What if we drink coffee all night and then woke up and got wasted all morning? Would we still make the same mistakes or would there be a whole new pattern of mistakes made? Does the night carry some sort of behavioral pattern and mystery that the day time with its piercing rays never will? Or will it all still be the same? Maybe we hide under the veil of dark and indulge our selves into the random hookups when we can turn off the lights and to some degree not see the person in front of us and pretend as if it really isn't happening or that we can be hidden by the void of light in acting out things we dare not let people see us do in the light (vandalism, breaking in to that abandoned house, sneaking into the park.. ya know- anything illegal lol) ...maybe drinking coffee all night would give us some sort of stamina. or not... I know I've certainly had better conversations over coffee in some lone mom and pop shop than during any night at the bar... hmm makes me wonder

I'm not sure if any of us will ever practice this pattern to get a clear result, but then again that's why this is food for thought :-)

Feel Free to chime in :-)

Be Young and Careless

Appreciation for being Young and Single.

Sometimes I can't believe how much I like being by myself in some way shape or form. I'm not married (unless to my job counts), I'm not engaged, I don't have anyone to really "answer to" per se. I absolutely love coming in from a long day of work and whatever other events followed through my day, walking in the door, whipping up a quick meal for myself made solely of fresh produce, whatever spice i can find off the spice rack and cheese and eating it by the TV with a cheap glass of vino. Maybe I'm weird, but its an awesome feeling of solitude knowing I don't have to compromise or fight with anyone over the TV remote. Or how I really don't care where my love life or career is going to go exactly. I know that I'm going to wake up tomorrow morning and do the same thing i do monday through friday but i have no clue where the road will take me next month or next year, and to some degree... I don't care.

So what I'll leave you guys with is try to think it through before you get all down in the dumps about being 20 or 30 something and still single. Enjoy it while it lasts and to some degree.. be a little carefree about it because the harsh truth is one day the rest of your life will be about caring. You're going to care when you fall in love and you just can't make it work. You're going to care when you got passed up for that big promotion when you knew you deserved it. You're going to care about the label on the wine you drink, how much money you're making, and where your life is going in the immediate future. So appreciate the small little things while they last. These are some of the best days of our lives- and if they're not, make the best of em!


- so i know this wasn't really food for though, but it will work ;-)

C'est La Vie

I’ve been feeling like everyone around me has really been trying to protect me the past few days and while I appreciate it… C’est la vie and I’m dealing with it one day at a time.
Life doesn’t always work out the way we had hoped it would. From those sunny careless days as a child when something once shun so bright, to adulthood where it burns out quicker than a match in hurricane strength winds. If I’m not making any sense right now, I apologize. When you look at life and completely plan your life around someone and then all that goes away, it’s a bit of a set back. And when you make friends with an extraordinary person and have to step back from that it definitely puts a damper on your mood. Circumstances as they are, I’m learning to cope with all this one day at a time. I’m coming to realize though that the ties you make with some people aren’t easily broken, and the ties you thought would never break are the ones that sever the quickest. Isn’t it funny how that works?
This is for the tie that was easy to cut. Meeting you when I was 11 years old was probably the greatest gift in my life. We had some memories that I just knew would be my perfect little story. Unfortunately everything that has happened has jaded and I can’t remember a time when I was happy with you. I’m sorry we couldn’t make this work after all we’ve been through together. I blamed myself at first and now I realize it wasn’t my fault completely. I was right, we’re just too different. “If we make it I won’t see its broken” We didn’t talk for 3 years and now I don’t see myself ever being able to talk to you again. I’m sorry. I walk away, that’s what I do. It’s an art I have perfected. You can thank every ass hole I have ever dated for that one. They made it very easy.
And this to someone I can’t cut the tie with. I’m glad to know that ties aren’t always easy to break. It’s refreshing to not just be able to walk away and forget you, as I know you won’t be able to do either. Time will pass, things will be made right. It’s okay to do the things we want to do until it’s time to do that which we have to. Right now is one of those times. I’m not going anywhere too far out of reach. You’re a special person and a great friend. I really can’t say that enough
To everyone else who’s been my shoulder to cry on or my personal psychiatrist the past few days, thanks! I appreciate it more than I can say. Right now is a time for me to grow my skin a little thicker and concentrate on my soul. To grow more spiritually through my hard times. I always say I am thankful for the hard times I go through. They make me the strong independent woman I am today. It’s a good thing when people turn to you though and try to protect you and help you, it means they haven’t given up on you and that they care. So I will never be offended by the guidance you offer, I will be hurt the second no one even tries to help anymore though.
Well that’s about enough for this blog. I hope this finds everyone well. I love you all very much!
Xoxo
Lacey

The Bad Counter-acts the good.

I’m so excited with the outcome of this years Presidential Election. I’m pretty sure every one knows how big of an Obama supporter I was, and now to see him as our new President-Elect brings me much joy, and gives me a restored sense of hope for our country. However, the presidential election is not what I’m blogging about today. Today I want to talk about California’s decision on Proposition 8. I thought by electing an African-American President we were taking a huge step away from discrimination in our country, however California, Florida and a few other states have proven this to be untrue. Our founding Father’s made sure there was a separation of church and state, meaning that morals and beliefs stemming from Christian (or otherwise) morale should not be taken into consideration when writing laws that govern our nation. I have to believe that this way of thinking has completely been thrown out of peoples minds because views against homosexuality stem from a religious way of thinking. It is discrimination, there is really no other way to put it. What’s next? A ban on interracial marriages? No of course that would never happen but, the way I see it, it is just as discriminative to deny homosexuals the right to be legally married to the person they love. I think we forget in this country how precious true love really is. With the divorce rate in America, it is apparent that true love is hard to come across and even harder to keep. If two people of the same sex are in love they should have as much right to marry as two heterosexual people (who tend to be quite reckless when it comes to marriage). But anyways, I’m done. I just want everyone to know how deeply saddened and angry I am because of this law. Better luck next time I guess. This does not feel like America the Great, it feels like America full of hate.

Quick update since its been so long

Wow. It’s been a while since I updated this thing! Well I don’t really know what to say. Life has been pretty peachy. I have nothing new and exciting to update on really. This weekend was pretty awesome however. Friday night I chilled out at my brothers. Nothing new there! Saturday we got up, got dressed went out to the Home Brew store to buy ingredients for a new beer my brother wanted to brew. Went by the parents house talked to them for a little bit. Then we went out to off shore w/ some people for dinner. We went back home and everyone from Off Shore came with, my friend Dylan came over with some of his home brews, and then the guys brewed away! It was a super awesome night! Got to catch up w/ Dyl, which I hadn’t done in a while I fell down the stairs and hurt my butt and my ego lol then Sunday we all went to Busch Gardens w/ my mom, my dad, Katie, Lane, Aunt Donna, Melissa, DJ and Princess P (Peyton).

This week at work has been pretty nuts. It’s hot one second then cold the next (busy then slow). I prefer when I’m just busy non-stop. It makes the day go by a hella lot faster. I’ve got less than a month till I’m legally an adult no matter how you look at it! Yay. I’ve decided that I’m celebrating my 21st at Granby Theater. I asked Dyl if he was coming out for my birthday and he told me that he was in a DJ battle at the theater that night and that I should go there to party, so I thought that was absolutely perfect! Ringing in my 21st at my favorite club (not to mention VA’s most elite club.) w/ my favorite local DJ’s (aka friends) Battling it out! It’s like the night was set up just for me to get all dressed up, dance all night, while listening to my boys spin my favorite tracks! I really do live a charmed life. Any-hoo I gotta jet outta here. It’s only 1:30 but I’m gonna go ahead and get out of here. Nothing to do, might as well be at home!

Manifesto

Tonight a thought crossed my mind while watching TV. More specifically, while watching the Obama speech from the Democratic Convention that I never got around to watching until tonight. Watching an ordinary man who beat the odds and came so far as to have the presidential seat in his hands, I realized a few things about myself. I want to be extraordinary, if not by society’s standards then by my own. I have very high expectations of myself and I want to live up to them. I have always been very ordinary, and that’s not for me. I won’t be unoriginal. Unoriginal and conventional never got anyone too far. This doesn’t mean I want to wear a lime green dress at an all white party. I have no desire to “stand out in a crowd”. I want to stand out to myself. I want to be the best and most successful person i can be but you can't be so without confidence and a feeling of self sufficiency. I refuse to be the person I saw starring back in the mirror a year ago, that girl who was a victim of her own trappings with no self-esteem and a complete lack of direction. A girl who didn’t know who she was or where she was going, I was trapped inside my own head of negative thoughts and seemingly no way out. I felt as though I would be that person forever feeling incomplete and insignificant. I will admit however, sometimes I still get down on myself. Sometimes I still make the wrong decisions and take the wrong path forgetting what I really want of myself, but I always get it back. I never want to be in a situation again where I feel like I’m trapped between four walls with no doorway to get out whether that be a relationship or the prison of my own mind. I’m a new girl now. I look at myself now and I see a familiarity looking back, I recognize that girl in the mirror. I see direction in her. I see happiness in her. I see a bright future and the woman that she will become. I can’t say I have this absolute direction like I know EXACTLY where I’m going and EXACTLY how I’m going to get there, but I see myself determined to follow my heart, and that’s all that really counts, right? I have no clue what I want to “be when I grow up” so to speak, but I know I want to finish my college education. Whether I end up with a Ph. D in Philosophy teaching at a University, or go to law school and fight/defend criminals or do corporate law, or end up in upper level management of some government contracting company, I will at least live up to my standards of extraordinary. . Some may say that is insignificant but I think that is about the most significant thing you can do with your life. I do know one thing, I will always be extraordinary in the work I do to give back to causes I believe in. I will always do everything I can, no matter how big or small it maybe to help out charitable causes. You can just feel the change happening when you get involved in something for a good cause. You feel as if you made a difference. I will always try to be a lover and not a fighter, but damn it, I will fight for that which I love. That’s what it takes to be extraordinary, and that I will be.

Michigan and Politics

Well, I am a little late on updating this but better late than never right?

My trip to Michigan this past weekend to see Matt was nothing short of wonderful. It was pretty uneventful. Just a lot of us spending time together and hanging out with a few of his friends. Friday morning we went flying and he made me sit left seat. I really didn’t do much. He tried to get my to fly the plane and I did a little bit, but not much. I was too afraid I would some how manage to kill us being the clutz that I am. After that we went home and hung out and napped all day (he brings out the lazy side of me lol) Then we went out to dinner. Then came home, watched the debate, and relaxed the rest of the night. Saturday we went out to lunch with some of his friends then hung out the rest of the day with his old roommate Nick. Cool kid, he’s from VA too J Then we went home and went to bed, then I left Sunday afternoon after lunch. It was a short trip, but it was definitely worth every penny of it. Every moment I get to spend with him is bliss. He’s the best boyfriend I could ask for. He’s my best friend, and I love him more than anything in the entire world and can’t wait until we get married and have I have ten of his babies. (j/k about the 10 kids part)

Well, in more recent news, Obama will be here Saturday! I’m excited. You know I will definitely be there! I’m not missing this one! I’m not going to jinx it and talk about how good those polls are looking because they are subject to change at any time, but I have to say I haven’t been so enthusiastic about any one politician in my entire life.

Make sure to tunes into the debates tonight to watch Sara Palin make an ass of herself what is sure to be a very interesting 90 minutes. I guess I shouldn’t down Palin though, she is a self admitted lip stick wearing pitt bull. Let’s see if she brings it as so, seeing as she couldn’t name one Supreme Court decision other than Wade v. Roe… you know the female liberating one that she fights so hard against (way to be a woman ps how about such decisions as Brown v. The board of Education, The Dred Scott Decision, Mulberry v. Madison or even more recently BUSH v. GORE!) Or her extensive foreign policy (the one where Russia is constantly invading Alaska..) Anyways I got a kick out of those things. I don’t think she is going to hold up well tonight but we will see.

Hope everyone has a great day!
Toodles.

Old Paper- New Ideas

So i found this paper today that i had written around this time last year. It's kind of ironic i find it today when i just had a discussion of sorts on this exact topic (give or take a little) So i figured i would share the short text I wrote and give you my today thoughts on it (which is short and simple)...

What came first, the chicken or the egg? It’s a basic age-old question, but yet one I think is applicable when speaking to our generation in terms of love versus career. Our generation definitely puts an emphasis on putting ones self first more so than any generation before. We’re probably the first generation whose parents taught us to be successful first and foremost and worry about relationships later.

In today’s world most of us go to college, get a bachelor’s, and wow the world is our oyster. Then we hit the work force and realize for the world to truly be our “oyster” we probably need to obtain a masters or doctorate degree to truly be successful the way we want to be. Before you know it you’re sitting in a class room again, aiming to graduate with the best grades possible. After all, you are paying for this and the more merit you graduate with the better chance at a top-paying position in your field of choice. So in between term papers, exams, and writing your thesis where, does love fit in to the picture? Is it possible to really focus on a relationship when we have big dreams in mind? I’m personally not sure. Here I am working full time, thinking of going back to school, and considering how I would possibly have the time to give someone the amount of attention they deserve of me.

With all that said: What comes first, love or success? I can’t help but think, what if I met that certain someone that I just knew was the one? Would I give all this up for them if they asked me to? Would I try to do it all at the chance of losing true love? It’s truly hard to be twenty-something these days. You have to decide your definition of success and not go on society’s. You have to decide which part of your heart you want to follow more.



My Answer that i have found to this paper... If you truly find the love of your life, as i have, They will understand and let you have both. You take what time you get together and cherish it while understanding that one or both parties have goals to achieve. As long as you put eachother first and find a harmonious balance between love and career, It's beautiful the way it works out. The most important thing to remember is like said... put eachother first but understand the career you are working towards is only to better the financial stability and quality of life you two will make together.

Well thats all. I will be blogging more today or tomorrow about my MI trip this past weekend!! OMG it was sooooo needed

SAVE ME!

I never knew I could possibly pack so much stress into one week. I’ve got a HUGE presentation to give Thursday morning that I’m still not done with yet, I have a huge pile of paper work sitting on my desk that has to be done by tomorrow, I have appointments every day this week after work, and even though I leave for vacation Thursday, I have a meeting Friday morning that I’m not at all prepared for. Man. It’s non stop. I really shouldn’t even be writing this, but I have literally been sitting at this desk since 04:45am and if I don’t take a break to write out my frustration, I’m going to go batty. I can feel the tension in the back of my neck, my face is breaking out, I feel irritated with everything. This week is really my chance to prove to everyone here that I really can handle all this that’s on my plate, and I really pray I don’t crack under the pressure, cause it’s a lot of pressure. We’re already skating on thin ice out here where I’m at, so there is no room for error. They’re literally feeding me to the sharks this week. So far I’m doing pretty good, but there’s always the possibility of it going completely south. Anyways, I’m gonna get off here and go get some breakfast. My stomach is mad at me. I’ll update as things change. Hope you all are having a better one than I. And if anyone is in the Newport News area, please stop and get me a low fat Vanilla and caramel cappuccino no foam with a double shot of espresso in it. Thanks!

PS I forgot my cell phone at home today. Thanks stress!

Just Three more days.....

This weekend was nice. Went shopping w/ my parents on Saturday in Williamsburg then went to Busch Gardens w/ some friends on Sunday. Nothing too too exciting. Just a few more days between now and Thursday when I leave for MI! Luckily, I've had a lot to keep me busy, and this week will be no different. I have about a million appointments and business meetings. (Even have to dial into one on Friday while I'm on vacation) So hopefully this week will just fly right on by and Thursday will be here before I know it. This is something I so need right now. To see Matt that is. This world just gets so crazy sometimes and he's the only one that can pull me back. I love it! (I would love it more if he would answer his phone right now though). Hope all is going well for everyone else. I have about a million and one things to take care of at work right now so I'm gonna get off here so i can get my stuff done. Finishing up my United Way Campaign this week. It's been lots of fun. Now I can really focus on ALS Association and raising money for the Walk and all that good stuff. It feels so good to be such a small ity bity part of something so big.

Feminist Vs. Palin

This article was brought to my attention and I felt very strongly about it, so i figured I would post it.

Eve Ensler, the American playwright, performer, feminist and activist best known for "The Vagina Monologues", wrote the following about Sarah Palin.

Drill, Drill, Drill

I am having Sarah Palin nightmares. I dreamt last night that she was a member of a club where they rode snowmobiles and wore the claws of drowned and starved polar bears around their necks. I have a particular thing for Polar Bears. Maybe it's their snowy whiteness or their bigness or the fact that they live in the arctic or that I have never seen one in person or touched one. Maybe it is the fact that they live so comfortably on ice. Whatever it is, I need the polar bears. I don't like raging at women. I am a Feminist and have spent my life trying to build community, help empower women and stop violence against them. It is hard to write about Sarah Palin. This is why the Sarah Palin choice was all the more insidious and cynical. The people who made this choice count on the goodness and solidarity of Feminists. But everything Sarah Palin believes in and practices is antithetical to Feminism which for me is part of one story -- connected to saving the earth, ending racism, empowering women, giving young girls options, opening our minds, deepening tolerance, and ending violence and war. I believe that the McCain/Palin ticket is one of the most dangerous choices of my lifetime, and should this country chose those candidates the fall-out may be so great, the destruction so vast in so many areas that America may never recover. But what is equally disturbing is the impact that duo would have on the rest of the world. Unfortunately, this is not a joke. In my lifetime I have seen the clownish, the inept, the bizarre be elected to the presidency with regularity. Sarah Palin does not believe in evolution. I take this as a metaphor. In her world and the world of Fundamentalists nothing changes or gets better or evolves. She does not believe in global warming. The melting of the arctic, the storms that are destroying our cities, the pollution and rise of cancers, are all part of God's plan. She is fighting to take the polar bears off the endangered species list. The earth, in Palin's view, is here to be taken and plundered. The wolves and the bears are here to be shot and plundered. The oil is here to be taken and plundered. Iraq is here to be taken and plundered. As she said herself of the Iraqi war, "It was a task from God." Sarah Palin does not believe in abortion. She does not believe women who are raped and incested and ripped open against their will should have a right to determine whether they have their rapist's baby or not. She obviously does not believe in sex education or birth control. I imagine her daughter was practicing abstinence and we know how many babies that makes. Sarah Palin does not much believe in thinking. From what I gather she has tried to ban books from the library, has a tendency to dispense with people who think independently. She cannot tolerate an environment of ambiguity and difference. This is a woman who could and might very well be the next president of the United States. She would govern one of the most diverse populations on the earth. Sarah believes in guns. She has her own custom Austrian hunting rifle. She has been known to kill 40 caribou at a clip. She has shot hundreds of wolves from the air. Sarah believes in God. That is of course her right, her private right. But when God and Guns come together in the public sector, when war is declared in God's name, when the rights of women are denied in his name, that is the end of separation of church and state and the undoing of everything America has ever tried to be. I write to my sisters. I write because I believe we hold this election in our hands. This vote is a vote that will determine the future not just of the U.S., but of the planet. It will determine whether we create policies to save the earth or make it forever uninhabitable for humans. It will determine whether we move towards dialogue and diplomacy in the world or whether we escalate violence through invasion, undermining and attack. It will determine whether we go for oil, strip mining, coal burning or invest our money in alternatives that will free us from dependency and destruction. It will determine if money gets spent on education and healthcare or whether we build more and more methods of killing. It will determine whether America is a free open tolerant society or a closed place of fear, fundamentalism and aggression. If the Polar Bears don't move you to go and do everything in your power to get Obama elected then consider the chant that filled the hall after Palin spoke at the RNC, "Drill Drill Drill." I think of teeth when I think of drills. I think of rape. I think of destruction. I think of domination. I think of military exercises that force mindless repetition, emptying the brain of analysis, doubt, ambiguity or dissent. I think of pain. Do we want a future of drilling? More holes in the ozone, in the floor of the sea, more holes in our thinking, in the trust between nations and peoples, more holes in the fabric of this precious thing we call life?

Eve Ensler

September 5, 2008